The one who will pick me up when i stumble..

Right now I’m feeling rather emotional, honestly i am spoilt, i crave the feeling of being loved too much, because i was blessed with so much of it when i was younger.

everything you’ve given me always keep it inside

when one reaches an age, where they are allowed more freedom, in return of more responsibilities, they tend to take advantage of it at pull pace, they do not notice the little things that the people around them does.

And it just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t have you by my side

when i moved to K.L. to study at Taylors, i was for the first time, living in a different place, having so much more things to do, comparing Brunei to K.L. that is. I was getting to college on my own, i was living with my mom, and my two sisters, living a life as a college student was hard for me, i was having trouble coping with wanting to explore my new habitat than concentrating on my studies. I became rebellious. Id come home late, at like 10-11 pm, when my classes finish at 2, id sneak out of the house sometimes just to go out, i hid so many secrets from her..

You were always there to comfort me and
no one else can be what you have been to me

Even though i failed A levels in K.L, i do not think of it as a regret, or a mistake, i believe everything happens for a reason. I was touched by God when i was that, i accepted Jesus Christ into my heart, and through him i saw the world at a different light, a more clearer light, and started to notice how truly blessed i am.

mama you know I love you

I was selfish and ignorant, how much i hurt her when i would not answer those calls, when i would lie to her, and she’d find out, when she found out of all the secrets i hid from her.

mama you’re the queen of my heart

There is no one in the world who would be able to take all of that, and still be able to love you unconditionally. I was a mess, i had pathetic grades, i was still smoking, i was drinking, clubbing, all the nonsense, but she still saw me as that child that she gave birth to 18 years ago, and nothing could erase that image from her.

Mama, I just want you to know, loving you is like food to my soul

The countless number of times she had shouted at me, the countless number of times she would ask me not to do this not to do that. No matter if i follow them or not, she was still there for me whenever i broke down. She is thousands of miles away from me right now and yet she is so close. Mom, I’m so sorry i never realised til so late in my life, im sorry how i got you so worried all those times, im sorry i dont always listen to what you say..

You have always been around for me even when I was bad

Since i was young, my mom has not told me she loved me, very typical Chinese fashion. and because i was so used to it, i don’t say it to her either. til the conflicts started. when i left K.L. to go study in Miri, that one week before i left, my mom would tell me she loved me before i went out.

Your love is like tears from the stars

It was such a shock, it was such a different feeling. To actually hear it from her than having her show it through actions. She’d always tell me “Just do, don’t need to say” in her typical broken english accent. Everything she does, everything she says, all come with her love.

I can never ever thank God enough to have blessed me with you, you are my source of inspiration, my runaway train when i need to think. I miss you so much, i hope i can visit you soon.

Love,
Neth-neth..

Ps:i miss your cooking. heh =)